


The Verdict

by Nikky_the_writer



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-09-12 14:29:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16874625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikky_the_writer/pseuds/Nikky_the_writer
Summary: Reader is a Goddess and one of Odins best warriors, but when something bad happens, she is forced to run away.- AUWarnings: blood, cursing





	1. Chapter 1

You couldn’t believe what was happening to you. Being one of the fiercest warriors, always loyal, you would never think that you will ever have to do what you were doing. You were running as fast as you could. You were running for your life.   
Everything happened so fast at one moment you were celebrating with your friends, all well dressed for the presence of your King. Before you even realized everyone turned against you, just because of the false accusations. People with whom you lived your whole life, even your uncle the man who trained you, the king’s son.

Moving through the crowd you almost reached your destination. At this point, you couldn’t even breath normally, but you felt relief seeing that you were close.  
He was in the distance waiting for you. There was hate from his side towards your father, but not for you.  
You were gripping the edge of your dark blue dress. It was soft against your skin but tight, so you couldn’t have your weapons on you, not that you needed them to come alive from a battle, but they made you feel safer.

Just when you thought that nothing could get any more wrong you felt it.  
˝Heimdall!˝, you screamed as something pierce through your lower abdomen. Any other warrior would stumble or lose their balance, but not you. You didn’t fall down, you couldn’t, not for those who betrayed you, who looked at you the same they looked at your father; with fear, but with disgust.  
Heimdall ran to you pulling the metal from your body. He already prepared himself for your escape. He saw what was coming for you, he knew about the Kings verdict. He knew the truth so he helped you. He carried you as you were getting weaker from the wound. You were already exhausted, he wanted to calm you down. He wanted to tell you that everything will be alright, but he couldn’t. There was no time left to waste on lies just as there was no time to take care of your wound.

 

Everything happened so fast. The only thing you could remember was golden eyes of your friend and then your body hit the solid ground.

Your head hurt from the impact. The confusion settled in your mind as you slowly opened your eyes. There was nothing to see only blur that was formed of different colors. You tried to lift your hand to wipe your eyes, but you suddenly stopped when you felt it, the change.   
It was cold. Colder than you have ever felt. And the air it was different, just as the sounds and smell. It didn’t feel like home, but it felt familiar. It was like a distant memory of something that you couldn’t understand. Maybe it was because you were on the verge of dying, but nobody was coming to collect you. There wasn’t a sight of Valkyrie, nothing, just cold. You swallowed the lump in your through dragging your body on the ground covered with the layer of snow. When you felt that you come to the edge of a cliff or something like that, you used the snow to clean your eyes from the blood that was falling from the cut on your head.   
˝No…no, no˝ you were silently repeating to yourself as you realized you were on Midgard. The home of humans where most of them believed in Gods that did not exist. Those who were insulting Odin, your king with their false beliefs?  
As you were lying on the ground looking over the edge you were observing the blue water where it touched the shore. At the moment you didn’t care where on Midgard you were because that information wouldn’t help you in any way. You start to think what to do. You were bleeding a lot and your weak body could barely move. The only thing that you had with you was your stupid dress, a pair of silver earrings and a necklace with a blue stone which your father Loki gave you. The only bright side that you could think about was that at least you weren’t barefoot.

˝I’m going to kill him. I have to go back.˝ You said through your teeth sitting up. Gripping the edge of your dress you ripped a long piece of it so that you could fold it and press on your wound. But as always there was a problem, you could only press it on your abdomen and not on your back where you were also bleeding. ˝Heimdall, please take me back.˝ You whispered into the air although you knew that he won’t do it.

 

Placing your palm on the ground you lifted yourself from snow. Your dress was wet from both blood and snow and it made you struggle even more. ˝He is dead, he is dead.˝ You were repeating like a prayer wanting for him to die as your feet slowly moved not knowing where you were going. It didn’t even cross your mind to yell for help when you heard someone approaching. You tried to hurry, but you didn’t saw little rocks on the ground that caused you to fall with a loud noise. Voices were coming closer and closer. First time in your life you were scared because Odin would find a way to punish you before he kills you if you harm any of his favorite Midgardians. He was obsessed with them, he even let them enter Valhalla and that thought made you sick. They fought against each other while your warriors fought against everything that was alive. They protect others from monsters as you did as well, while humans just play like children for their toy. You didn’t have to turn around to know that somebody was watching you, you knew it. You could feel their gaze on your body. You chuckled at that, you were practically dead and they just stood there probably not carrying if you die, but they will probably rob your dead body. As you heard movement behind you, you closed your eyes squeezing the blue stone in your hand and whispering: ˝Forgive me father…˝


	2. Chapter 2

You could feel it, you didn’t belong in the place where you were now. Not even opening your eyes you knew that you were still trapped in the place which took a lot from you. It wasn’t your first time on Midgard, but you swore to your late mother that it was the last time, but now you were there again. Practically banished from your home. You knew that you had to open your eyes at one point. Trying to convince yourself that it was all an illusion was too foolish for you to even think about it. Tracing the wound on your head with the tip of your index finger you knew that somebody took you. Somebody helped you, but the main question on your mind wasn’t who, but why. Why would anyone do that for a complete stranger? Not feeling your necklace you realized, probably somebody who wanted something from you. 

Opening your eyes you were met with a dime light of a small wooden home. Getting up you winced in pain.  
˝You should rest.˝ Looking at the source of the voice you were met with a woman. Her dirty blond hair reached to her hips slightly decorated with flowers.  
˝Where is it?˝ You whispered through your teeth trying to sustain the pain.  
˝What?˝  
˝My necklace!˝  
She stepped back as you yelled. ˝Calm down, it’s here somewhere. He put it….˝ She was going through your clothes that were placed on the table, but it seemed that she couldn’t find it.  
˝Who? Who brought me here?˝  
˝Floki˝, she said loud enough for you to hear still searching.  
˝Floki…Where is he?˝  
˝On the pier, outside.˝ She pointed with her hand towards the door.  
Walking past her you silently cursed as the rough fabric was scraping your skin. You didn’t remember to ask her for her name not sure if you had already met her. She did seem nice, but that compelled you the last time, you spent half of your life regretting that.  
Stepping outside you were met with fresh air. Breathing deeply you relaxed smelling the nature. You could even taste the salt in the air as you were getting closer to the man on the pier. You could hear his whispers like he was praying so you decided to speak up.  
˝You should know that they don’t listen.˝  
˝What?˝  
˝They do not listen for your requests, Gods only search for compliments.˝ As he stood up you noticed that he was holding your stone in his hand.  
˝I wasn’t requesting anything. I was being grateful.˝ He moved closer to you. The skin around his eyes was black, it remained you of the dried blood after a battle.  
˝Why am I here?˝  
˝You know why.˝ He said pointing a finger at you smiling.  
˝No, I don’t.˝ You didn’t know what he knew so you tried to be cautious.   
˝You do. Before you passed out you saw me Y/N. You said my name.˝ He sat down on the wood placed by the little cabin and you followed doing the same. ˝I am grateful to the Gods because they brought you back.  They brought you back to u..to me.˝ He caught himself almost forgetting about the faith of his friend. ˝Ragnar is…˝  
˝I know.˝ You cut him off, not wanting to hear those words, it was enough for you to see it.  
˝Don’t get me wrong….˝ He licked his bottom lip turning to face you. ˝…I…I couldn’t be happier but how can you look the same? How can you be here?˝  
˝It’s complicated.˝  
˝Is it really? Is it as complicated as the reason because of which you just disappeared? I’m ashamed to admit, but he was the one who held onto you longer than I did. You were our friend. He searched for you for so long, but the winters were passing by and he was losing hope. How could you do that to him, to us?˝   
It surprised you that the whole time he was talking he didn’t let his emotions to be seen on his face. Although, you didn’t miss the anger in his eyes,  mostly regret and you didn’t know about what exactly.  
˝You wouldn’t believe, no matter how strong your faith is.˝  
˝But I do, I believe in who you are. I know, I just know. You are his daughter. Tell me am I wrong. You are a Goddess˝ You stayed silent and that was his answer. The smile returned to his face with enthusiasm. ˝ Ragnar thought that I was crazy. He couldn’t understand it, but I could feel it, I just knew it.˝  
˝But how did you know?˝   
˝Just as yesterday before I saw you there was light. Light that only Gods can create.˝  
As you were staring at him, at the flame in his eyes the guilt started to consume you and your heart was betraying you. Once he was your friend, just as Ragnar, but you lied to them just as you blamed them for what happened in your absence from Asgard. You were at Midgard when you should’ve been home and everything that happened on Asgard during that time made you resentful towards every living creature on Midgard.  
˝He was killed because of me˝  
The smile on Floki’s face disappeared instantly. He knew about whom you were talking about and that’s why he got up creating distance between you. A Million thoughts went through his head as he heard you saying those words. He couldn’t understand if you were confessing to him that you were a traitor or that he died for you. Because just as he found you, maybe Ragnar also did, he was gone for so many years.  
˝You pray to Odin, to the all mighty father. To the one that controls everything. The thing is he doesn’t just control everything, he controls everyone. Your every victory, every death, every birth. Just as he destroyed Ragnar. He favored him for a while. He made sure that he would come to the top sending his own warriors to him, just as he send me then. But he wasn’t with him at the end. I couldn’t let Ragnar kill himself or to just die as no one. When the time came, he could already see the golden gates before him, but I closed them.˝  
˝You didn’t let him to Valhalla…˝ He murmured in disbelief.  
˝He dishonored himself and his family, he didn’t deserve to be there, so I fixed it. He died with a meaning and now he feasts with my friends and my mother.˝  
˝Why do you resent Odin? ˝  
˝Do you know what is associated with me as a Goddess?˝  
˝Of course…˝ He played with the stone putting it in the air catching the rays of the sun. ˝….death and magic are not strangers to you.˝ You could hear bitterns in his voice as he mentioned death, probably because of the death of his daughter.  
˝But I cannot bring the dead back to life as much as I would like to. I can’t do it.˝ Placing your hand in his he looked in your eyes. ˝Ragnar told me about your daughter….Angrboda….˝ You whispered not wanting to bring him pain, but he had to know. ˝I didn’t took her. I do not choose which Midgardian will die. I can kill them, but I don’t. I do not play games, I’m a warrior not a bystander. I kill with my hands, with my sword.˝  
˝That doesn’t change what happened.˝  
˝No, it doesn’t Floki, but you have to embrace it. She is safe now, far from the harm, just as Ragnar.˝  
˝I hope.˝ His voice was silent. He seemed different than before.   
Seeing that he was still thinking about his daughter you tried to move his thoughts on the other subject.  
˝That woman inside is she the one who I think she is?˝  
˝Helga.˝  
˝I don’t believe you. You were so entranced by her, I’m happy that you made it work.˝  
˝She is responsible for that.˝ He smiled lightly which brought a smile on your face. ˝You know that Ragnar has sons. You were really close to him maybe…˝  
˝What?!˝ You didn’t even realize that your voice was higher than before.  
˝What?˝ He looked confused and seeing your confusion made him even more confused so he decided to finish saying: ˝You could find some comfort inside them. They are ….well some of them are at least slightly like him. If you merge all of their personalities together I think that you would find Ragnar’s.˝  
˝Is his eldest son at least the half of the king that Ragnar was before he left?˝  
˝All of his sons are princes.˝  
˝So his wife is a queen, then?˝ You asked curiously because to be honest after you took Ragnar with you even before that, you decided not to look at Midgard anymore. So whenever you would go to see Heimdall you would be conflicted, wanting to know what was happening, but also trying to let go.  
˝She is dead.˝  
˝Alright, if his sons are still princes, who is on the throne. If there are no volunteers I could do it. I could take a break from being a warrior because at the moment I’m not ready to fight.˝  
˝So what, you would be a queen for a week?˝ Floki asked not able to control his giggles.  
˝A week? No, you old man. I need just a few days and I will be like new. I didn’t say that I would be a queen for a long time, I’m just curious, I have never really sat on the throne. I had a chance, but I never took it. My father told me once when you taste that kind of power you are never able to let it go. You would always be hungry for more and that’s why I never did it. I never put myself in the place to want something because then nobody can manipulate you.˝ You smiled sadly and Floki noticed.  
˝What happened to you?˝  
˝When you think that you have nothing to lose you actually have, you are not even aware of it. I thought that if I never craved for something, there won’t be anything that I’ll need, but I was wrong. I had a lot to lose. I lost my mother and then my father was taken from me, I thought after everything at least I have loyalty left and I was wrong. I’m here because I’m wanted dead. First time in my life I have nothing.˝  
˝You have me, you have Helga and you could always have Ragnar’s sons beside you if you chose that.˝ Floki put a hand around your shoulders and you two stayed like that until the sun started to decent on the horizon. He was right that you had him, but you were conflicted because you didn’t want to stay on Midgard, on the place where everyone is Odin’s pawn with the exception of few.

* * *

 

˝Are you sure about this?˝ You asked for a thousand time as you were handed one of Helga’s dresses.  
˝Yeah, you should meet them and see how Kattegat changed.˝ Floki was persistent.   
You said that you would like to know what kind of men has Ragnar’s sons grown up. After you declined his offer of telling you exactly who they were, Floki said that you should go to the Great hall. He explained to you that there will be a feast and you didn’t know what to say. You were fearless, but you hated crowds of people that you didn’t know. On Asgard, you felt most comfortable with those among who you fought. You could be manipulative like your father, but you never were because you refused to pretend that you were someone that you weren’t and your father told you that one day that will get you killed.


	3. Chapter 3

You couldn’t sit still in the Great hall. You kept turning around and every time your eyes would stop at something different. There were so many people there, all with different clothes and hair and you didn’t know what to think about it. That is why you were constantly tapping Floki on his shoulder to ask him things.  
˝So is Lagartha bad? Do we hate her or do we love her?˝ You asked suddenly.  
˝What?˝

˝Well I don’t think that I will get a chance to talk to her. I just want to know which opinion to have about her. I know who she is, but not what kind of a person.˝  
˝Go talk to her.˝ Floki said finally getting up from his sit.   
When he disappeared from your side you placed your elbows on the table and held your chin on your palms. Now when you weren’t talking with Floki you actually had time to listen to other people’s conversations to hear for what they stand. There weren’t many things that took your attention it was mostly drunken conversations and nothing more. Still, one conversation got your attention at the same time when you heard something dragging against the wooden floor. You saw a man dragging his body but you couldn’t see his face, but that wasn’t what irritated you at the moment. The man next to you was insulting the man on the ground with his friend and you couldn’t think of the reason why so you turned to him when you couldn’t find Floki.

˝Can I ask you something?˝ You tapped man’s shoulder and he turned around with a smile after he saw you. He was young, at least you thought so. For you he was young, but among them, you didn’t know.  ˝Is he a bad warrior?˝ You asked him and he looked at you not answering so you changed your question a bit: ˝The man that you were just talking about, is he a bad warrior?˝  
˝Why are you asking that?˝ He asked leaning closer to you.  
˝He is a Viking just as you are, but you are mocking him. Is it because he is a bad warrior?˝ You asked again not understanding this type of behavior. On Asgard, warriors were celebrated not mocked at and you knew that almost every Viking was a warrior so that left you confused.  
˝No, I mean he is…˝ He stopped, coming closer to you. ˝Just look at him he is a cripple. You shouldn’t worry about him he could never win anything for you. You should hold your attention on me. I could bring you gold from the raids.˝ He placed his hand on your thigh and you just stared at him because nobody has ever touched you without your permission. And about the gold, he couldn’t even imagine that you possess things that worth hundreds times more than it.  
˝Just because he is a cripple? I’ve seen great warriors falling from the swords of blind or crippled man, my friends. So I do not understand why are you saying those things. If he is a such a bad Viking why don’t you fight him?˝ You asked finally taking actions on his hand that was moving higher. You grabbed something that looked to you like a fork and then you placed your hand on his.  
˝I…˝ Fear was written on his face and he tried to move his hand, but you held it in the place.  
˝I think that in the battle you would be the first one to fall.˝  
That set him off.  ˝What do you know about fighting? You are not a shieldmaiden. You are just a woman waiting for someone to put a child in you. You don’t worth more than a thrall.˝  
You smiled dryly squeezing his hand and forcing it on the bench where you were sitting. Not even blinking, with all the strength you had in yourself you stabbed him.  
You got the attention of some men around your table and the whole hall went quiet when the man next to you let a loud scream cursing.  
˝I want to fight you.˝ You let go of the fork, standing up.   
˝Woman just sit down and shut up˝ He sat placing his wrist closer to him. He cursed again if you were any other woman he would take you on that and possible rape you after, but he knew that maybe just a few man in the Great hall would have balls to do what you just did in front of everyone and that worried him. He would rather find you in the dark when you will have your guard down than now in front of everyone.  
˝Are you afraid? I will even fight in the dress.˝ You said smiling and in the corner of your eye you could see Floki rushing to your side through the crowd.  
Your words and behavior didn’t go unnoticed by the queen Lagartha or any son of Ragnar who were amused to see a foreign girl trying to pick a fight with one of their warriors.  
˝Is this something that you should deal in the privacy of your home?˝ Lagartha asked and you had to stop yourself from laughing.  
˝No, my queen. I do not know this man, but he insulted me and my honor. I am not one of your warriors or a man, but I know how to fight. I do not doubt in myself as the man next to me does. He doesn’t even want to fight a cripple even after he said that the cripple couldn’t win any fight.˝   
˝Y/N!˝ You heard Floki’s voice. ˝Sit down!˝  
You wanted to protest, but something caught your attention. A young man that was taking his axe into his hands. You recognized him, but not just as a cripple, but as a son of Ragnar. He maybe looked a bit different than his father, but you could never forget that look that Ragnar would have on his face before he teaches someone a lesson.  So it didn’t surprise you when he threw his axe towards the man who insulted him. You could’ve stopped it, you could’ve caught it in the midair before it hit the man’s head, but you didn’t because that would be just like another insult for him in front of everyone. You respected Ragnar and part of you respected his sons although you didn’t know them.  
When everyone calmed down after his assault somebody spoke.  
˝You know her Floki?˝ One son asked. He was the same as Ragnar with the same hair and blue eyes.  
˝Yes, she is my cousin. She is just visiting.˝ Floki said quickly pulling you closer to him.   
He was about to drag you out when you heard someone’s voice: ˝Fight me.˝  
˝Ivar stop it!˝ Floki said still trying to leave, but you stopped him turning around.  
˝And why would you want that?˝ You said staring at him. You tried to analyze him as you would analyze your every opponent.  
˝You wanted to fight him, a coward˝ People around you start to whisper and you smiled sweetly.  
˝How can we know that he was a coward, maybe he just didn’t want to waste his time on the battles he thought he could win.˝ You stated aware that you were playing with fire, but you didn’t care because that kind of fire could never burn you.  
Ivar parted his lips to say something, but no words came out. He moved in his sit not breaking the eye contact. ˝Than he is an idiot, a dead idiot. And now is the moment to decide what you are.˝  
˝I know who and what I am.˝ You said breaking the staring contest and before taking Floki’s hand you added: ˝I do not need a word of a man to see the greatness, I do not need your decisions or your permission. But you do, don’t you? Your father would be disappointed in you.˝   
Ivar’s mind became clouded with rage in the blink of an eye, he was on the floor hurrying towards you. You stayed standing in the same place daring him to do something, but his brothers stopped him pulling him from the ground.  
˝Floki, get her out of here!˝ One of the brothers yelled while Lagartha was observing everything. There was something inside her telling her that she should keep you close to herself as a new ally.  
Floki had to throw you over his shoulder to get you out, but he couldn’t stop you from smirking at the young prince.

 

Floki didn’t ask you anything when you came back to his cabin. He let you alone as you placed your palm around the blue stone. You were on the ground staring at the sky talking.  
˝Father, forgive me for failing you. I will find you, I promise you. I spent too much of my time being loyal to someone who destroyed my family, but he was never aware that the root of my loyalty is towards you. When I find you, we will kill him together and then the accusations for both of us will finally be true. My heart is with you.˝  
You feel asleep on dirt not caring about it, you slept in places worse than that, so sleep easily found you.


	4. Chapter 4

You didn’t even have to open your eyes to know that somebody was near you.  
˝Can you stop staring?˝  You asked turning your back to him. You were glad that Floki brought you to bed, it was more comfortable, but if you knew that it comes with a rude boy you would go back to the dirt.  
˝I’m not staring; I’m observing.˝ He stated simply.

˝You are a creep.˝  
˝Well we are getting somewhere, that’s good, you didn’t say cripple this time.˝  
Rolling your eyes you jumped from the bed sitting in front of him. You were just a few inches away from his face observing him just as he said that he was observing you.  
˝And what are your deductions?˝  
˝I’m going to kill you.˝ He whispered ignoring your questions.  
˝Can you stop pretending for just one moment? Alright.˝ You said leaning further from him. ˝If you wanted me dead you would already try it, but here you are. What do you want?˝ He was the first son of Ragnar that actually spoke to you and so far you were disappointed and that angered you and you knew that he could see it on your face.  
˝You mentioned my father.˝ He started lowering his head. If it was on him they would already be on the way to England, but it wasn’t. ˝How would you know what my father would think of me? You weren’t there before he died.˝  
˝And how would you know that?˝ You asked feeling offended. There was nobody there for him when he was dying. He died alone in pain, but as a true warrior without pleading for mercy. He took his life into his own hands.  
˝Because if you were there you wouldn’t be here you would be dead.˝   
˝All that hatred Ivar, it will bring you pain. It will break you. I know what your father told you and he wasn’t completely wrong, but he was a hypocrite. He told you that happiness was nothing, but…˝  
When he heard what you were saying he lost his mind. He threw you on the ground keeping his body on you.  
˝How would you know that? Who…..What are you?!˝ He yelled in your face holding his hand around your neck.  
˝Happiness was important to him.˝ You continued not afraid of him. ˝Did he ever told you that he regretted everything, that he would rather stay with Lagartha and his son and daughter? He wished that he had never become king.˝  
˝Shut up!˝ He was squeezing you tighter and you let him because you knew that he needed that.   
˝Don’t you want to know……who he was?˝   
He loosened his grip when he found some control inside himself because after all, Floki cared for you. Moving from your body he crawled towards the wall where he leaned his upper body against it.  
˝Did you know that at one point all that anger that you feel will get out of control or will vanish completely? You shouldn’t fight because of anger, it’s not constant. If you lose your mind at the end you’ll lose your glory and if it lets you go you won’t have any more reasons to fight and you’ll feel empty.˝  
˝You know nothing about me.˝  
˝But I knew Ragnar. You are not turning into the great Ivar the Boneless, the one who will be feared everywhere in the world, just look at you. You wanted to kill me. What if one day you kill your ally? You would lose respect. Who would you be then? You are smart and you should keep it that way or otherwise, you’ll die. You will never join your father in Valhalla.˝ You were sitting close to him. You couldn’t help Ragnar, so you thought for a second that maybe now when you were forced to stay on Midgard you could try to help his sons.  
˝You keep repeating that you knew him, but you didn’t say how.˝  
˝Does it matters? I was his friend. I can be yours if you let me.˝  
˝I don’t need you.˝ Ivar almost growled moving on his front dragging his body out.  
˝Is that your final decision because I won’t ask you again?˝  
He didn’t answer you, leaving you alone on the ground.  
˝He doesn’t listen to anyone˝ Floki said breaking the silence as he walked inside.  
˝Why?˝  
˝He sees things differently.˝ Floki sat next to you on the ground.  
˝Than he is a fool, nobody can survive on their own.˝  
˝You did.˝  
˝No, Floki.˝ You grabbed the stone from around your neck placing it before you. ˝He should listen what others have to say. He is arrogant. I knew someone like that. Do you want to know what happened to him?˝ You didn’t even wait for him to say anything. ˝He was killed. I don’t know how things work here, but in Asgard, if you betray Odin you’re dead.˝  
˝He can defend himself, he is strong. He is the kind of a person that you used to like.˝  
˝Not anymore Floki. I’ve learned my lesson. Now, my loyalty will be with those who deserve it and he doesn’t.˝   
˝He just lost his parents.˝ Floki tried to reason with you because he knew that you are one of the best and he knew that Ivar will go against Lagartha. ˝He will need you.˝  
˝He holds no respect for anyone just as nobody respects him.˝  
˝From all Ragnar’s sons, he is the one that I raised. He is the one who prays and cares for our Gods. Ragnar would stand by him, so should you too.˝  
˝But the battles that you lead, they are meaningless to me. I don’t care who rules, I don’t care who dies. I care for my home, not Midgard.˝  
˝But you can’t go back. Find meaning on Midgard.˝  
˝You mean the same as the last time when I met you two? You can’t understand how I feel here. It’s just not me.˝  
˝At least try.˝  
˝Why would I do it when I already know the result?˝ You asked and walked out before he had a chance to answer you. You didn’t need his answer you needed your own, but you couldn’t find it.


	5. Chapter 5

Days in Kattegat were passing slowly, so slow that you could feel every minute that past bye. You were staying with Floki and Helga for the last four days refusing to get out of the small house. You walked only to the water and back which was just a few steps outside. You wanted to go back to Kattegat something inside you begged you to go to the town, but you didn’t.

You occupied your thoughts with Asgard, with all the beauty that it holds and all your friends that were there, but all those memories turned black as you remembered that there is nobody left in Asgard to whom you can trust. Almost nobody, there was still one person left, one person that was truly your friend and you could feel his presence near you. Sitting on the pier with your feet in the water you called his name. ˝Heimdall.˝

A minute later you opened your eyes seeing him in front of you, around him you could see the inside of Bifrost. You stood up standing close to the sword. ˝I’m scared, Heimdall.˝ You confessed to him.

˝I know, but you shouldn’t be.˝ He looked at you reaching with his hand towards you.

˝I’m afraid that I will never step foot where you are standing.˝ Although it was more an illusion then you actually being there, you could still feel his hand on your shoulder.

˝Look at me.˝

You hesitantly looked into his golden eyes.

˝You are Goddess, one of the most powerful and fiercest warriors. You shouldn’t be scared of being trapped on Midgard.˝

˝I do not belong there. Just as my father doesn’t belong in chains.˝

Heimdall moved his hand away looking over his shoulder. ˝You are the Goddess of dark powers start acting like that.˝ He turned his back to you seeing that somebody was coming. ˝It doesn’t matter if you are fighting here or on Midgard, it doesn’t matter where you die. Your mother will always wait for you in Valhalla.˝

˝On Midgard I am not a Goddess, I am a stranger.˝ You said a bit angry knowing that you have to keep your abilities to yourself and that was weakening your heart and mind every day.

˝Place cannot change who and what you are.˝ He said calmly pulling the sword out of Bifrost.

˝If I stay there I will never see my father. You have to bring me back!˝ You cried out begging for his help.

˝Your father has never left you.˝ Heimdall glanced your way placing his finger on his chest. ˝He is always with you.˝

˝No, I can’t feel him on Midgard!˝ You were close to your breaking point, standing on the edge. For the first time since Odin spoke about his verdict, you felt deep in your heart pain for everything that you lost and that you were about to lose.

˝Midgard is now your home.˝ Heimdall looked away from you knowing that what he was saying to you is going to break you. ˝You will never come back.˝ He stopped for a moment taking a deep breath. ˝Now, go!˝

˝Heimdall …˝ Before you could step forward to him you stepped over the edge of the pier falling into deep water. You stayed under the surface with your eyes closed. When your body hit the ground you stayed there with your hands on the small stones. Reaching with your hand forward you grabbed one of them. Smiling sadly, you pressed your palm into the fist around the stone and with little almost no effort you crushed it. It looked just like your heart that broke.

Before Heimdall, you at least thought that you will go back, but him saying you that Midgard was now your home angered you. You stayed in the darkness thinking about the past until you felt somebody’s arm around your waist pulling you to the surface.

* * *

_Floki and Ragnar were sitting in the small house near Kattegat they just came back from the raid, but they didn’t go to celebrate in the Great hall they stayed with you. Floki never doubted in your decisions and that’s why he decided to follow wherever you lead._  
˝The sun will be up soon.˝ You said seeing the first rays of sun through the opened doors. Beside you, on the furs, Ragnar sat with his head on your shoulder.  
˝A new day, a gift from Odin.˝ Ragnar said quietly before Floki stood up.  
˝We should be grateful for the victory bringing the sacrifice to the Gods.˝ You watched Floki from your position admiring his faith in Gods. Floki was the only person you have met on Midgard with such a pure beliefs. They were a bit strange to you, but you could understand them. He didn’t play games with Gods he was at their mercy, completely in their hands. He was a true believer something that you wished to be. Putting his faith aside, to you he was like a child starting to learn about the world, so innocent that he couldn’t see through the Gods, but that made him even more special to you. With him, you felt closer to Odin, even more than when you were in the same room with him. Someone like Floki was a rare person and you couldn’t be happier to meet him almost the same thing you could say about Ragnar. Although his faith wasn’t what you admired his mind was. He was smarter than a lot of warriors on Asgard, he had a mind of a leader, but a heart of a traveler and you knew that his doom lies there.  
˝We should go to the woods spill blood for our success.˝ You were moving your hand over Ragnar’s braid while he leaned his body more into your side.  
˝Than we should do that.˝ Ragnar finally spoke.

* * *

_Walking through the wood behind them you took in your surroundings. There were woods on Asgard, but not the same as the one that was surrounding you. The smell was different almost the same, but still so much stronger. The birds were flying low while the rays of the sun were hidden from the trees. It was peaceful it felt like home, but not because of the place, but because of the two people whose steppes you were following. You had a real family, however, both of them became members of it too. No matter that there’s not your blood in their veins, your hearts were the same; strong, fearless and ready to protect people you love._  
˝Keep up.˝ Ragnar turned to you still walking and almost tripping on his way.  
˝Could you slow down?˝ You smiled although there was a pang of hurt in your heart telling you that you will leave soon.  
˝Floki is too eager to slow down.˝ Ragnar laughed before he ran to you tossing you over his shoulder.  
˝Ragnar! Put me down!˝ You were screaming at him fighting with yourself to suppress giggles.  
˝We are faster this way.˝ He continued running like that until he reached Floki who just laughed at you. Ragnar didn’t let you go walking beside Floki and slowly loosening the grip on your legs so that your head would slip further down his back.  
˝If you don’t stop that, I’ll smack your ass.˝  
Floki giggled slowing down to be next to your face as he walked. ˝That’s not a threat. He would enjoy that.˝  
˝He’s right.˝ Ragnar smiled suddenly smacking your ass.  
˝What!?˝ You yelped not believing what just happened. Instead of yelling at him for doing that you just smiled realizing that he did that to a God, to one to whom he prays and he will never know that.  
˝I think that you like it as much as he does.˝ Floki noticed how your smile got even bigger as you moved your hand lower, but before you could do anything Ragnar stopped and put you back on your feet.  
You exhaled in defeat looking for a reason why he stopped until your eyes landed on the beautiful stag that Ragnar will most likely kill for the Gods. Only thing that you could do is to watch and participate knowing who the Gods really were.


	6. Chapter 6

˝Why did you do that?˝ You asked a young man who was catching his breath next to you on the shore.

˝I…What?˝ He looked at you not understanding why did you ask him that.

˝Why did you pull me out of the water?!˝ You asked pronouncing every word with a few seconds of pause between them.

˝I didn’t want you to drown.˝ He sat down moving his light braids over his shoulder.

˝I wouldn’t drown. I know how to swim.˝ You rolled your eyes at him still angry about your conversation with Heimdall.

˝I’m sorry, next time I will leave you alone.˝ He said still not moving his gaze from you.

˝Thank you.˝ You moved wet strands from your face cursing at yourself for forgetting to braid them.

You both sat in silence until you decided to get up annoyed by your thin and now wet gown that Helga borrowed you. 

˝I’m Hvitserk.˝ You turned around to see him already standing in front of you.

˝Alright.˝ You said silently walking towards the cabin. You stopped suddenly when you felt his hand on your shoulder. ˝What do you want?˝

˝I came to see you.˝ He said moving his hand away.

˝And why did you want to see me?˝ You asked a little intrigued.

˝You seem interesting, no woman or man has treated my brother like you did and stayed alive.˝

˝It’s that all?˝ You exhaled seeing his eyes moving from yours to your body and then back.

˝No, I wanted to ask if you would like to come to the celebration in the Great hall tonight.˝

˝I’m not a thrall, Hvitserk.˝ You said hoping that he will get the point, but he didn’t.

˝Yeah, I know. I wan…˝

˝Hvitserk…˝ You smiled at him seeing the lust in his eyes. ˝You are not going to fuck me. If you or anyone else try that you’ll end up like that man in the Great hall, but by my hand.˝ 

˝I didn’t wa..˝ He stared into your eyes not knowing what to say. 

You assumed that he probably never heard anyone saying no to him, but you didn’t care. With this Ragnar’s son you were also disappointed, but maybe you were just expecting too much. Maybe you were hoping that you would find Ragnar in one of them, but that wasn’t possible and that made you sad. Ragnar and Floki were only people on Midgard that you could trust, they were loyal, but you couldn’t see loyalty in his sons. From what Floki told you about them there was no loyalty between them, only a couple of kids fighting for a toy.

˝I’m going to leave now.˝ You moved past him and then you froze in place hearing his voice.

˝Why did you call Heimdall?˝ Turning around you raised your brow not knowing what he heard. 

˝We all pray to the Gods, don’t we?˝ You questioned staring into his blue eyes.

˝We do. Why do you favor Heimdall?˝ Hvitserk stepped closer to you and you stayed in place not breaking the eye contact.

˝You are a foul, Hvitserk.˝Hvitserk chuckled at your words moving even closer.

˝And why is that?˝

˝If Heimdall ever dies all the Gods would be left unprotected. After all, he is the guardian of Gods and so in my eyes, he is the only one worthy of my prayers.˝

˝I never thought about it that way.˝ He looked away lowering his head. It seemed to you like he was ashamed, but you couldn’t really tell why.

˝That doesn’t surprise me.˝ You said coldly so he stepped away. Hvitserk licked his lower lip before he spoke. 

˝You are different.˝ 

˝Maybe you’ve been in the same place for too long.˝ 

˝It’s not that. You remained me of someone from the stories that my father told me when I was a kid.˝ Hvitserk sat down on the ground patting the spot next to him for you to sit. 

You stayed quiet although you were falling apart inside. You wanted to scream because whatever Ragnar said about you was something good, but he shouldn’t have. You abandoned him so you never thought you would deserve for him or Floki to speak highly of you.

˝He never said her name, but the way he spoke. He never talked about our mother like that, it was more like she was someone unreachable. He admired her, from what I remember I would even say that he knew her that she was someone dear to him.˝ Hvitserk smiled sadly staring at the calm waves.

˝Why do I remained you of her?˝ You asked curiously and slightly surprised by the fact that he was telling you that. Just a few minutes ago you were ready to punch him in the face, but now seeing him vulnerable you wanted to hug him.

˝When you were in the Great hall that look on your face. I….when you were ready to fight him there was no fear on your face. That man was bigger than you and a great warrior and you didn’t even blink. My father told me that she was never afraid and that she never fell in the battle and that the only Gods with whom she talked were Heimdall and Loki.˝

˝You said talked?˝ You asked not sure if you heard him correctly.

˝Yes. He told me that she didn’t pray to Gods. For a kid that is a strange thing because we were thought about our Gods and gifts that we bring them. He saw our confusion so he explained us that is not prayer if you talked to them and they don’t just listen, but they talk back.˝ Hvitserk took a deep breath and turned to you. ˝Do you think that she is real?˝

˝It doesn’t matter. Whoever she was she is not present anymore. She is a memory like your father. A character in the story that will change through time.˝

˝I don’t care. If I ever met her in Valhalla I will thank her.˝ He played with his finger moving wrinkles from his still wet pants.

˝What did she do for you?˝ You asked aware that no story about you made anyone grateful. Warriors are celebrated, but they are just bringing death to wherever they came.  And on top of all nobody spoke nicely about the daughter of Loki. Everyone saw you as a carrier of death even in Asgard, you didn’t have to hear it from anyone, you knew it.

˝Our father was a complicated man. He was almost never around. When he would finally come home he wouldn’t talk about raids he talked about her. He wanted us to be like her, a true Viking with no fear in our bones.˝ After he spoke there was silence between you. You pulled your legs to your chest lowering your chin on your knees while Hvitserk’s were stretched out before him. 

˝What did you tell Ivar?˝ He broke the silence staring into the distance.

˝When?˝

˝The day after the celebration. He said that he was going to Floki and when he came back he lost control throwing everything around. He couldn’t calm down for hours and then he went to the hill.˝

˝I told him the truth, but he couldn’t handle it.˝ You said honestly not seeing any reason to lie to him.

˝About our father?˝

You nodded glancing his way. ˝Do you want to know?˝

˝I don’t want to know his story. He abandoned us. Ubbe and I almost died because he left us alone with our mother. I want to remember him as the man he was before he lost himself, but I will never be able to do that. I know that he regretted being with our mother. I’m maybe stupid, but I’m not blind.˝

˝You should know that although he regretted being with her he didn’t regret having you.˝ You tried to give him some comfort, but honestly, you didn’t know if he regretted having his sons. You knew him before he even met Lagartha so you couldn’t know in what kind of a man he turned into.

˝I don’t care anymore, sometimes I wish I do, but I don’t. That can’t bring either of them back and honestly, I don’t even want them back.˝

˝I understand.˝

˝Can you really?˝ You reached with your hand towards his squeezing it reassuringly. 

˝I can’t say the same for my parents because I would do anything to be with them, but I can say that for people who were close to me, with whom I’ve grown up and who at the end left me to die.˝

˝What is your story? You say that you knew our father, but you can’t be older than me. Did you met him when you were a child?˝

˝Remember Hvitserk.˝ You removed your hand from him slowly getting up. ˝Some stories should never be told.˝

Hvitserk got up moving the sand from his pants as he followed you to the doors.˝I told you my story.˝

˝You didn’t. You told me the memory of your father so I will tell you how I saw Ragnar.˝

Hvitserk stood in front of you listening to your words.

˝Ragnar was someone who people could mistake for a God. He was brave, smart and he just couldn’t die. But as the all people he realized too late that he wasn’t a God. He was only a human being placed on the Midgard in Gods control. He played a game that he could have never win.˝

˝You are saying that he was a foul?˝ 

˝No. He just wanted to be somebody that he could’ve never been. Some highs are made to be unreachable, but he couldn’t accept it. I just wish that all of you would be more like a man that I knew.˝  You didn’t wait for his reaction. You walked inside closing the door behind you and you sat on the bed staring at the wall in the darkness. ˝This place is different without you, Ragnar.˝ You whispered, but Floki who was sitting not far from you heard you and he knew what you meant, but he also knew that you would be disappointed in the person who Ragnar was in one period of his life and he was grateful that you remembered Ragnar as the man who he was when you were here on Midgard. _  
_

* * *

_˝Are you ready?˝ Ragnar asked coming closer to you. He was worried about you because you were acting strange for the past few days. He wanted you to be in the best state of mind considering that you were standing on the open field waiting for the fight to begin._  
˝Ragnar, if something happens I want you to kno..˝  
˝Don’t do that. Have fate in Gods, we are going to walk away alive with victory.˝ He smiled at you, but you couldn’t do the same as much as you wanted to.  
˝Listen to me.˝  You insisted as everyone started to run into the battle. ˝This is the end!˝ You screamed at him as you ran in different direction witch you never did. You, him and Floki always fought side by side, but you didn’t want them beside you when something bad happens. You could feel that something was coming your way.  
Warriors were falling around you as you killed them. Your shield was long forgotten somewhere in the mud. It was easier for you to fight without it.  
Nothing could have prepared you for the pain that went through you. Your sword slipped from your fingers as you fall onto your knees screaming. All the warriors around you fell to the ground just as Ragnar and Floki who hit his head on a stone. You didn’t want to do it, but you couldn’t control yourself, you just felt the pain through which your mother went through. The pain didn’t stop as you could feel what they were doing to your father. It wasn’t strange for you to feel your fathers pain being that powerful you both had a strong connection. You felt your mother just because she was dying.  
Ragnar was lying on the ground with other Vikings which half of them were unconscious. He didn’t know what happened. Something forced his body onto the ground and now he couldn’t get up. He saw you kneeling with tears on your face as you screamed from the pain. You were the only person on the field that wasn’t lying. At least until he saw four men coming from the woods heading towards you. Their armors were golden shining like nothing that he has ever seen. He wanted to yell to warn you, but he couldn’t.  
You noticed the presence of Odin’s guards. You knew why they came. They see you as a traitor as they saw your father. The only way for you to stay in the same position at Asgard was to go with them and try to reason Odin.  
Standing up they were already before you. You were aware what follows next so you lifted your arms for them to put chains on your wrist. One of them knelled putting chains around your legs. When they finished you followed them into the woods, but before you went too far you turned towards battlefield searching for Floki and Ragnar. Seeing Ragnar’s eyes you mouthed: ˝Forgive me.˝  
Since the day they lost you they raided all the villages nearby to find you, but you were never there. There was never any trace of you anywhere. It was like you have disappeared.   
They knew that there was a chance that you were already dead, but they couldn’t let themselves to think like that. 


	7. Chapter 7

˝What are you doing, brother?˝ Ubbe asked stepping closer to Ivar who was sharpening his axe.  
˝What does it looks like, Ubbe?˝ Ivar didn’t even glance at him focusing on what he was doing.  
˝Do I have to ask you again?˝ He was annoyed by Ivars behavior.  
˝You can leave.˝  
˝I would if I could.˝ Ubbe sat down in front of Ivar who finally put the axe down.  
˝Why are you bothering me, Ubbe?˝ Ivar asked not interested in whatever his brother has to say.  
˝You know why.˝ Ubbe stared at his younger brother hoping for an answer he was looking for.  
˝I can’t promise you anything. You are wasting your time here.˝ He titled his head to the side.

˝Hvitserk went to Floki to ask her to come here.˝  
˝What!?˝ As much as he wanted to stay collected he couldn’t stop his voice from rising.  
˝Ohh, did you want to do that?˝ Ubbe asked smirking at him.  
˝No.˝ He firmly said placing his axe on the metal sharpening it. ˝I don’t want her here.˝  
˝Well, that’s too bad because we want to meet her.˝  
˝What? A coward? Why would she come back to the Great hall?˝ He was squeezing axe tighter in his hand.  
˝Why would she be a coward?˝ Ubbe waited for Ivars answer but he didn’t get one so he continued. ˝You don’t even know who she is and I can tell you that Lagartha wants her on her side.˝  
˝She won’t get her.˝ Ivar said nonchalantly like he knew something that his brother didn’t.   
Ubbe raised his brow with a slight smile on his face. ˝I didn’t know that she is your woman.˝  
˝She is Flokis cousin and Floki would never side with Lagartha over me.˝  
˝You know nothing, Ivar.˝ Ubbe stood up coming closer to him. ˝You think that you know women, but you don’t. It’s not just Lagarthas side it’s also Bjorns and he is also interested in her. Everybody wants to know who she is.˝  
˝You are telling me that I’m a less of a man than Bjorn?˝ Ivar asked with a stern face, but with pain in his heart.  
˝I wasn’t talking about that, Ivar, but when you are pointing that out. I think that you would have higher chances if you apologize to her.˝ Ubbe walked past him, ruffling his thick dark hair leaving him alone with his thoughts that brought more of his insecurities on the surface than his brother did.

* * *

˝You know Floki, you used to be a better company˝, you giggled seeing the surprised expression on his face.   
˝Why am I not a good company?˝ He asked sating down next to you.   
˝You are not fun anymore. The only thing you do is going to the Great hall and then back˝, you said shrugging your shoulders while he smirked at you.  
˝So, that’s it. You are angry at me because I will leave you tonight? You can come with, but you refuse to.˝  
˝I don’t want to see some people that will be there.˝  
˝Is that why you haven’t left this place for days?˝   
˝What? Me, no˝, you said not even trying to sound serious. ˝If you haven’t noticed I’m not really handling this ‘I have to stay on the Midgard’ thing. It…˝, you joked at first, but your voice got lower and you swallowed the lump in your throat at the thought of never going back. ˝I’m sad and I don’t know…I would be excited to be here if this wasn’t my only option in staying alive. This place is tearing me apart because one part of me wants to be here. I don’t understand.˝ You confessed, although you didn’t want to admit it you wanted to try to live here if there is no way of going back, but it didn’t mean that you will give up on trying.  
˝I understand that you are having second thoughts about this place, but you were happy here once. Maybe you can be happy again.˝  
˝But is it worth it Floki, a moment of happiness only to lead to somebodies death. As it did the last time˝  
˝What other choice do you have? You can’t hide here forever and people die every day, your sorrow won’t bring life to others.˝  
˝But my father is counting on me.˝ You insisted wanting for him to say that you should hold onto that although it was in vain.  
˝It is not your duty. You should try to live your own life, I know it sounds harsh, but there is nothing that you could do to help your father.˝  
˝I could surrender to Odin, but I think that they would kill me here not even caring to take me back to Asgard.˝  
˝Look, try to embrace this life for a while and if it won’t work then we will try to think about something else, alright? And drop the pessimism.˝  
After the conversation, you lied down on the bed even hours after Floki and Helga left finally falling asleep.

* * *

Before you were able to open your eyes you felt somebodies palm over your mouth and stabbing with something strange into your side. Opening your eyelids you rolled your eyes seeing Ivar in front of you.   
˝Don’t scream˝  
You laughed at his words after nodding as if anybody would hear you here,  ˝And that with your palm why would I scream? I’m hoping that you understand that I’m not scared of you and death is not a stranger to me.˝  
˝I..˝  
˝What Ivar? You came to threaten me a little more or calling me a liar again. I’m getting tired of your behavior.˝  
˝I want to apologize˝  
˝For putting your dirty hands on me?˝   
He stayed silent at your question. Ivar never thought that it will be this hard to apologize to someone.  
˝Let’s stop pretending, Ivar. I am not one of your allies that will agree with you about everything, however having secret agenda to overthrow you when you put your claim to the throne.˝  
˝I kn…˝  
˝I wasn’t finished.˝ Sitting down just a few feet away from him you took a few moments of silence to observe him. Not what he looked like, you were aware of that, but the little signs on his face that showed you how he truly felt. Just his eyes confirmed you what you were guessing. ˝You are afraid.˝  
˝I’m not afraid of anyone.˝ He firmly said making a distance between you.  
˝I did not say that you were afraid of a person; I know that you are not, but you are afraid. You can’t even trust your own brothers; the only person except for Floki that was always with you was your mother. With her death and the death of your father, you are left torn apart. You can’t even grieve openly afraid that others will think you are weak. If you would…˝  
˝You will never be able to understand me.˝ Ivar looked away before turning around on the floor to leave.  
˝You always think that you know everything, but you don’t.˝ Your statement made him stop so you continued. ˝I’m a warrior Ivar, but I’m also a person. We all have lost someone. When my king sent me away to your father and Floki he took that time of my absence to kill my mother and imprison my father. I haven’t seen my father in years he could be locked anywhere and it kills me every day. ˝  
By now Ivar was back sitting in his previous place with his eyes focused on you.  
˝I wish sometimes that that was the end of the story, but unfortunately it is not.˝  
˝What happened?˝  
˝The king sent his guards to bring me back. He wanted to kill me on the accusations that I was planning to overthrow him with my father, but I proved my loyalty to him. However, years later he succeeded in turning my friends and those who fought under my command against me and now I’m on the run. The only person to whom I trust is Floki and I’m afraid to trust anybody else or to give a chance to this place because it will never be home to me.˝ You smiled sadly at him feeling the tear that already reached your chin.  
˝What is the name of the king?˝ Ivar asked after stopping himself from reaching towards you.  
˝His name is not important.˝

˝How can I trust a person who never sought revenge for their parents?˝ Ivar asked tilting his head to the side.  
˝I didn’t ask you to come here; you came on your own. From where I am coming from nothing is simple as it is here. Here you can simply overthrow kings twice a day, the loyalty here does not exist. My father was the only person that actually talked back to the king, everybody else would just do as they were told not questioning anything and I was like that. I even doubted my father and I will never be able to tell him that if I could go back in the past that I would be by his side.˝  
˝And you still don’t seek revenge?˝  
˝Nobody is loyal to me.˝ You said silently remembering how everybody looked at you before you ran.  
˝Who are you?˝  
You raised your eyebrows at his question seeing how he moved closer to observe you.   
˝I know that you are not related to Floki, he raised me. And the king about whom you are talking about does not exist in this lands.˝  
You licked your lower lip before saying: ˝If you don’t know about him does that means that he doesn’t exist?˝  
˝He does exist˝, his voice was lower than before as he raised his hand. ˝So the old foul is not crazy?˝   
You laughed at his question and your reaction surprised him. ˝You believe in Flokis stories?˝  
˝There is no reason for me to question him anymore. After my father died O…˝  
˝No.˝ You simply said with contempt on your face knowing what he was about to say. ˝Odin didn’t come to you Ivar. He didn’t come to your brothers.˝  
˝He did.˝ He was calm before, but now the anger was emerging to the surface as you practically called him a liar.  
˝That was not Odin. It was me.˝ You finally confessed not wanting for him to think that Odin did that. As much as you wanted to lie you started to realize what was that feeling that wanted you to go back to the Great hall.  
The shock was evident on his face as he tried to understand what you said.  
˝Ivar, I’m not lying. I owed that to your father, you needed to know that he had left Midgard and that now he is among the greatest warriors in Valhalla.˝  
˝It was an old man˝ He said raising his brow.  
˝If I have come to you as who I am, you wouldn’t believe me. I am not an old God, in Odin’s eyes, I’m still an infant.˝ Aware that you have already said too much you stood up from the ground quickly adding: ˝You should leave now.˝   
˝I need to know who you are.˝  
˝Will that change anything for you because here on Midgard I am simply a human?˝ You said aware that you can’t use your powers here in fear that Odin would find you sooner, sooner than you figure out where your father is.  
˝Please˝, he never thought that he will beg someone for information, but after all, you weren’t just a someone.  
˝I am the daughter of Loki, the God of mischief. I am the Goddess of the dark powers and carrier of death.˝  You said rather bitterly hating the whole title.  
˝I’ve heard about you. You are a great warrior.˝  
˝Not everyone thinks like you. They say that I’m not a warrior merely a girl dressed in armor that takes life without sword, they say that I’m a fraud.˝  
˝And are you?˝  
˝What do you think the great Ivar the boneless?˝  
If anybody else called him like that he would be angry because they would do it just to mock him, but you didn’t. He could hear in your voice that you were serious even slightly respectful of the title.  
˝Will you join me?˝


	8. Chapter 8

You stared at Ivar partially surprised that he would go against Odin, the Allfather, to have you by his side. You even thought that maybe he didn’t understand what he was doing by asking you that question, and you wouldn’t be lying if a thought that he was mocking you didn’t get through your mind.

“Do you want to have on your side one that was cast from Asgard, who is an enemy to the Allfather? Do you want me around you as death follows wherever I go, are you sure that you want that, Ivar son of Ragnar?” you questioned him and you could see the answer on his face. However, before anything more could be said your eyes closed and your body fell limp to the ground.

* * *

You flinched away even before your eyes opened as nothing seemed right, but it was familiar. Not only that it was familiar, but peaceful and sudden joy filed your heart. Since the moment you were back on Midgard you could feel your father slipping away from you, and now he was here.

“Father,” your voice cracked from happiness and sorrow for him. He pulled you from the ground and embraced you tightly.

“I’ve missed you, my little one,” Loki said before pulling away to look at you. He wiped away a tear from your cheek before smiling at you.

You smiled back at him and thousands of emotions hit you at once. “How are you he…” your words got lost in your throat as you finally took notice in where you were. “This is not real,” you murmured under your breath quickly pulling away from Loki and drawing out a sword that was on your belt as you were dressed in your armor. The armor itself was light and simple consisted from a chest plate and back and pieces on your lower arms and it helped you to move quickly just as now already pressing the blade at the man before you. “Who are you?”

“There is no time for this, my little warrior,” Loki spoke and with a motion of his hand, the blade disappeared just as everything around you before the new walls were built around you closing you in the house where you have grown up. Loki was standing next to you as your gaze was fixated on the scene before you and with it, you didn’t question the man next to you. You knew that he had to be your father as what was happening before you was his and your secret. There they were; the shapes of you as a child and Loki with something in his hands, you remembered that day completely although it was a long time ago, however it seemed as yesterday as that day the true treason was committed and till this day nobody knew.

 

_“How did you get that father?” you asked as you moved closer to him. There was a shining object in his hand. You knew what it was; it was the heart of your mother’s planet; the heart of Álfheimr. It was an object that belonged to the Royal family but was stolen by Odin after the invasion, after the slaughter._

_“It is your mothers, nobody talks about it, but she should have been the one ruling your people and she had to watch them being imprisoned and killed. Your mother she will never rule them as her parents did, but you will. You are the heir not just to her kingdom but mine too.”_

_“Father you are talking about treason,” you said stepping back as you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. It was something that you could ignore when others were talking about Loki as a traitor, but hearing him say those words made your blood freeze._

_“Treason, little warrior? No, this is not treason, believe me. One day Odin will kill us, one day he will try to kill you. He doesn’t want you to rule, he doesn’t want you to be more powerful than him.” Loki said before gently grabbing onto your wrist to pull you closer to where he was sitting._

_“Stop saying that, uncle would never let him,” you spoke quickly while furiously staring at him._

_“Your uncle is arrogant and cares only about himself; he won’t stand by your side. Listen to me, they will never see you the same they see themselves. Have you ever notice the way they stare at your mother, the way they speak about me, you will never belong, and you don’t need to belong, you don’t need them.” Loki spoke a bit louder than earlier wanting you to accept that, just as he did a long time ago._

_“Father I …” your eyes were getting watery as you were starting to break with every word he spoke._

_“Don’t cry, little one, the great things await you,” he said before lifting you to sit on his lap._

_“I’m scared,” you confessed._

_“Don’t be,” he said while moving his finger over your cheek. “Now do what I taught you, turn it into a necklace,” Loki said offering you the object that you gripped with your little fingers. It took you a few moments of concentration to do it._

_“I did it,” you almost screamed happily and your father grinned watching you._

_“Yes, you did. Now it will forever be with you and nobody will know, alright?” he asked as he placed the necklace around your neck._

_“Yes,” you said quickly while playing with your fingers._

_“And one day when Odin tries to trick you asking if you wish to take over your kingdom that he will give you back the heart what will you say?”_

_“I am not the one to rule, I am merely a warrior, my king,” you said and Loki once again grinned proudly at you, the light of his life._

 

“This is a goodbye, my little warrior,” Loki spoke as the scene in front of you stopped.

“No,” you exclaimed as if it was a question not even looking at him.

“I am sorry,” he said sadly.

“No, father please,” you finally turned your body completely towards him, begging him to not do this.

“Everything will be alright,” he said placing his hands on your shoulders.

“I can’t do this without you,” you said trying hard not to cry as you didn’t want for him to see you as weak.

“Listen to me, you are not just a warrior, my little one you are a queen. It’s not only you; it is your people, my people, and your mother’s people. It is a heavy burden, but it doesn’t have to be carried only by you,” he spoke calmly while staring down at you.

“There is nobody,” you muttered under your breath.

“There is nobody in Asgard, but there are armies waiting for you and where is a better place to start than Midgard?” he said with a smile gracing his lips.

“If I show who I am, he w-”

“He will send his man for you, and you will kill them, every single one. Nobody who is sent will be your friend, nobody will care for you and you will kill them. Make him come for you himself, play with his toys and destroy him in his own game,” he said knowing that you were more than capable to do that and he knew that Odin was thinking the same as he wouldn’t be so desperate to kill you if he didn’t.

“But humans, they are weak,” you quickly said not understanding how will a weak army defeat a God.

“Haven’t you already chosen their king? With you, by his side, you could outsmart anyone, remember that pawns are made to be sacrificed.”

“And what then?” you asked putting aside what you saw as impossible.

“What do you mean?” Loki asked slightly confused at your question.

“After I burn the whole Midgard; after Odin is killed what should I do? I don’t want to sit on a throne, I won’t have anyone, and I won’t have you, father or a mother.”

“Then when ashes fall to the ground you will make your own family,” he said stepping closer to you.

“Father…” you whispered wanting to fight him on that but was silenced as he pressed his lips against your forehead.

“I must go, my little queen, be fierce, be brave and be merciless as they never showed mercy to us. I love you and I will wait with your mother for your arrival.” It was the last he said before he disappeared and you could only whisper in the air what you didn’t get a chance to tell him.

“I love you…”


	9. Chapter 9

The moment your father disappeared you couldn’t feel him close anymore, it was as if he was no longer alive and it killed you. Your father was to you the greatest man alive, he was someone you adored and admired and now it was possible that he was gone for good. However, although he may be gone you knew that he will watch over you and you knew that you had to do what he told you. He was right all this time and it took you longer than needed to actually see that up close. He was right that you won’t be accepted and he was right that your people needed a better life. 

You decided to play Odin’s game, you decided to beat him in it not only to revenge your parents but to revenge thousands of your people that were slaughtered and you no longer care that you were on Midgard as you knew that it was a good place for a battlefield no matter that this time the Gods will be dying alongside the humans. But there was still something on your mind, something about Ragnar; being the leader destroyed him and you only hoped that the same fate won’t find you.

* * *

You were sitting in the Great hall next to the Floki while he was telling you story about his travels and everything he and Ragnar conquered. You were actually laughing with him while trying to forget about what happened earlier. The pain of losing your father was too fresh and you didn’t know what the best option in how to ease it was.

“No, why would he trust him?” you asked confused as you warned Ragnar about his brother. You told him that Rollo won’t want to stay in his shadow and that he will do anything for his place under the Sun.

“He was his brother, you know how he was,” Floki said sadly remembering his friends fall.

“Yeah, I know. He was loyal.”

“And to whom are you loyal now?” Floki asked curiously as he saw a change in you today. He wasn’t still aware of what happened to your father so he was worried.

“To myself,” you answered without thinking over it as you knew that now you could trust only yourself.

“Is that a smart decision?” he asked you before you stood up.

“It’s a smart man’s choice,” you said before swallowing the golden liquid and moving away from the table. The whole night although celebrating you kept your eyes on someone you noticed and now you followed them outside into the cold night.

The street was empty and dark and the only thing except for the waves you could hear were the footsteps of the man that was walking away.

“Traitor!” you yelled after him and he was quick to stop and to turn around walking closer to you.

“Look who is here, are you lost, love? Isn’t Valhalla in other direction?” he asked with a smirk on his lips as he was one of those who were sent to Midgard a long time ago however aware that now you were wanted by Odin himself.

“You always had a great sense of humor that was actually your only quality, of course beside betrayal.” You spoke calmly and almost nonchalantly with a smug smile as you knew how this was going to end.

He moved closer staring down at you trying to be inferior: “Don’t talk to me about betrayal, whore. You are just like your mother; pathetic,” he spoke with venom lace with his words.

You only smiled at him before speaking: “Have you forgotten to whom you are talking to? You are mixed blooded just as I am and with the same race that now is almost extinct because of the king you choose to stand with.”

“Weren’t you the one killing for him?” he asked well aware that you sometimes had to even kill your own kind and although he didn’t care he guessed that you did.

“And so were you, but I didn’t know better,” you admitted.

” Now you do?” he asked chuckling at you.

“Who was it?” you asked suddenly changing the topic and ignoring his comment as still one question was never answered to you and was by Odin forbidden to even ask.

“Who was what?”

“Don’t play stupid not in front of me, we both know who we are,” you said sternly not looking away from his gaze.

“It was ordered by Odin,” he simply said before stepping away.

“Who killed her?” you asked surprisingly calm and that terrified him more than if you were angry.

“Your uncle,” he answered quickly.

“You are lying because Odin would never approve that and you would only lie to save yourself.”

“It was an order,” his voice got louder and harsher as if he just wanted for you to shut up.

“Do you think he sent you here to die knowing that I will find my way here?”

“Shut your mouth bitch!” he finally yelled at you.

“ You have really spent too much time here,” you said stepping closer to him and he kept standing not wanting to show fear.

“You think I am scared of you? You are delusional,” he said but it was evident in his voice, everyone knew who you were. Just as they knew that in the past Odin was holding you back, but now nobody knew what could happen.

“NO!” you yelled and he visibly flinched. “I am your queen!”

“My queen? Don’t fool yourself it doesn’t suit you,” he laughed but stopped at the seriousness on your face.

“It’s funny to disrespect your queen?”

“Well, I could call you that in my bed,” he offered as if he saw that as the only way out.

“Oh…Is that an offer?” you asked chuckling at his words and even placing your hand gently on his upper arm.

“If I say no it would be a lie,” he smirked at you.

“Oh…” you smiled shyly before your eyes completely turned dark and not even moment later the sharp blade appeared in your hand. Before he could react you already cut deep into his neck getting sprayed by his blood all over your face and the dress Helga borrowed you. You didn’t care about blood; not even wiping it with the back of your hand, while he was still dying you kneeled next to his form.

“You are a traitor, you killed my mother our queen and betrayed my father. You will never reach Valhalla I will make you all pay, forgiveness is for weak and I am not weak. I will watch you burn from my throne,” you said while looking coldly at him. “He can send whoever he wants for me, but this time I won’t go willingly,” you spoke the last line into the air as the man before you has already died.


	10. Chapter 10

The rope was rough against your skin, to anyone else it would be uncomfortable and they would be far from smiling. However, nobody else was or could be you and even though your hands were tied in front of you your lips were curved into a smile. Nobody noticed the expression on your face as you were standing before the throne of the queen. Your head was lowered and shadows were falling upon your face as the layer of blood dried on it. 

Lagertha wasn’t the only person in the room; all the sons of Ragnar were there just as Lagartha’s most loyal people like the two men standing behind you, each on either side. It was supposed to make you afraid or even slightly shaken as there was no escape for you after the crime you committed, but none of them knew that you had no need to run. You were exactly where you wanted to be, you were exactly where you had the intention to kill again or maybe just make them afraid of you, only time would tell which; very soon.   
“Why did you kill him?” Lagertha asked you standing up. The soft fabric of her dress touched the ground as she approached you with curious look gracing her face. “Did he try to attack you?” she asked after you decided to not answer her previous question.   
“Is it needed for me to be attacked to kill?” you simply asked finally lifting your chin. The smile was still present on your lips and the blood on them made your teeth stood out as pearls from the deepest seas.  
Lagertha narrowed her brows stopping in her step as she took a moment to observe you. “So you just decided to kill him? You do know what that means by our laws?” she questioned you hoping to see at least a slight trace of fear on your face but the only thing she got was your smile growing bigger.  
“Why aren’t you dead then?” you asked sweetly.   
“It seems that in this short time you have learned a lot,” she noted quite impressed at your actions but still suspicious of your intentions.   
“My father would be ashamed if I didn’t,” you spoke and your smile finally got lost. You were doing all of this for him as there was still hope in you that when everything comes to the end that he will wait for you.   
“And who is your father? All of us have been wondering about you and Floki stayed silent,” she spoke stepping closer to you as if you were no threat to her.   
“He is not just a mere character in a tale as you are,” you said while staring into her eyes as if only two of you were in the room.  
“Am I not alive?” Lagertha scoffed and some of her men laughed at you.   
You were unbothered by your surroundings and those stupid enough to laugh. You stayed calm with a hint of a smile on your lips before speaking: “For how long and can you live up to the stories?”  
“Is this why you came? You want my throne?” Lagertha accused stepping even closer; she was coming where you needed her without her even noticing.   
“I already have a throne waiting for my claim and two kingdoms, my queen, I do not need yours.”  
“Is it than alliance the reason for your travel?” she asked reluctantly as if she didn’t believe your previous statement.   
“Alliance? No, not really,” you said seemingly uninterested in whatever she could offer.   
“But you wouldn’t decline it?” she questioned thinking about possible alliance if what you said was true.  
“No, I didn’t,” you said calmly and before she could realize what you said the rope on your hands hit the ground. You were quick to press the short blade which was still covered in blood to her neck. It was actually one that you always had but nobody could ever see it was one of your father’s best tricks.  
Lagertha was stunned and her man couldn’t do anything as if anybody made a wrong move you would kill her, but soon she was no longer near you as you gestured for one of Ivar’s man to take Lagertha with a sword to her neck.  
“You see,” you started walking towards the throne with the dagger still gripped in your hand. “I have already made a promise to stand beside the future king of Kattegat,” you said pointing with the tip of your blade at Ivar who was standing against the wall. A moment after you put your hands behind your back with the dagger disappearing again as if it was never there.  
“He will never be a king,” Lagertha spat out hating the thought of it.   
“And you think that your son will, well, I wouldn’t agree,” you said not even sparing Bjorn a glance.   
“Ivar is the youngest; even if you kill me nobody will follow him,” she said while staring at Ivar with hatred, although everyone would think that Ivar would react in some way he stayed silent and stayed at the same place.   
“Not if, my Queen,” you pointed out before continuing. “After we kill you he shall be and all will follow,” you said finally gesturing for Ivar to approach you. He walked past Lagertha with the help of his crutches he didn’t even look her way when she spoke.  
“My people won’t, you will start a war,” she warned but you only smiled at her.  
“No, I won’t,” you stated simply before moving to the side for Ivar to sit on the throne. You had to admit that you were quite surprised and proud of his accomplishment in staying calm as you told him that no man wants to follow a rash king. “There won’t be war because with me beside him nobody will dare to challenge Kattegat or its King. I do have to wonder which brother will try to kill him, but then again not even your son has balls to do it as I am not a storyteller, not even a character in the stories,” you spoke taking a few steps closer to where the rest of the brothers were standing. “I am one about whom you talk about; I am the one to who you pray. I know you wonder, but you shouldn’t wonder anymore. I am not blessed by Gods; I am not sent by them I do not stand by them and that is where your doom lies along with your false hopes.”  
“We don’t speak about you; we don’t pray to you,” Lagertha said with her voice laced with venom.   
“Of course you don’t, why would you call upon death?” you chuckled tilting your head to the side where she was before continuing. “But Ragnar did speak about me, to him I wasn’t a story to be told I was a memory to be remembered and he never let go.” You smiled but this time it wasn’t the one of contempt or anything like it, it was a sad smile. “I thought that there lies no satisfaction in revenge, but tasting it tonight, it does taste good,” you admitted.  “But how would any of you know that when none of you except Ivar tried to revenge your father or mother. All of you are a disappointment and I don’t see any of you as welcome to Valhalla. The gods play games with you and you let them, they kill those close to you and you praise them.”  
“You are that woman, you are her,” Lagertha finally spoke as she could clearly remember the ghost to which she had to live up to in Ragnar’s eyes.   
“I see that you finally put the pieces together as Aslaug wasn’t just like you the only woman who claimed him as hers, but he was never yours in the beginning. You both claimed him as your husband and I as a friend; he was my friend, and all of this and you both lead him to his doom.”  
“I don’t understand; who is she?” Sigurd spoke for the first time having no clue in what was happening.   
“Some would say a character from a tale, but alive, right?” you said simply.   
“What?” Sigurd was still confused.  
“The stories your father told you about the woman who never prayed to the Gods, would you like to know why she never did it?” you asked moving closer to him.  
“She prayed to Loki and Heimdall,” he said remembering the details but vaguely as he missed one important thing.   
“She talked to them,” Hvitserk corrected him.  
“And where’s the difference Hvitserk?” Sigurd questioned his brother as if it was the right time to do that.  
“You should listen to your brother Sigurd as no God prays to the other,” you told him as if he was a child.  
“You are saying that you are a God?” Bjorn questioned coming closer to you with his sword already drawn from its sheath.   
“Do you wish to challenge me?” You asked as you moved towards him. “Do you really wish to challenge Loki’s daughter, the Goddess of the dark powers and the carrier of death?” As you walked your clothes start to change into your armor the way your father taught you and two daggers were drawn tightly gripped in your hands. You smiled as he stepped back just like the rest of the brothers before you turned towards Ivar.  
“Let’s challenge the Gods then,” you spoke loudly announcing the war to the ones they used to pray to.


	11. Chapter 11

The Gods were falling, one after another. They were bleeding and dying just as the men and woman around them. They although more powerful were finding their ending to please their king who still hadn’t left Asgard.  
Chaos could be the right word to describe the terror that spread as a menace on Midgard. Screams and cries echoed through the dark nights as the swords collided. Only a few lights would be burning quickly swallowed by the darkness as no innocent were left to live.

They called it a war yet it wasn’t that, it was a slaughter. It was a punishment before the judgment could’ve been declared.   
It was your doing; it was you who was the executioner. It was you who brought the death among the green valleys and cold air. 

 

Here it was, your doing. As you stood on the field there was no green grass only blood covering the ground. Hundreds of bodies were lying down; of those who you used to know and of those who you recently met. On each side, there was a few for who you cared and still, you decided to proceed with killing. You killed, you slaughtered and you watch them die when there was only one person you wished to kill and he never came. He sent his men, but he never came. And for the first time in your life, you could understand what other people saw in you, what they saw when they named you. It hurt; the revelation of who you truly were.   
You should have never let this happen you were like a Viking now and not a God anymore. You were nothing better from those you watched for years arriving to Valhalla.   
Lowering your head a tear slid down your cheek as this wasn’t you, this was a person you wished to kill. And while mourning of what happened you were almost dead to your surroundings, not noticing Ivar’s voice as he screamed out your name. The only thing you noticed was the golden light descending from the sky and you being taken from Midgard.

**______________________________________________________________  
**

“This is not who we are!” Heimdall screamed as you stared at the ground. “You started a war; all of those who died are on you!”  
Lifting your gaze you didn’t miss an unconscious man farther from where you were standing and looking at Heimdall you could see the reason for it. He had most likely refused to take you back and Odin must have punished him for it.   
“You have always said that you are not what they think you are. Look at you now,” Heimdall glared at you with disgust and you felt so small. “You are exactly what they say.”  
“I did this for my people!” you screamed at his face. It was the truth, but it was also a partial truth as you were doing this mostly for your parents, for the revenge.   
“For your people?” Heimdall asked not believing in what you were saying but knowing you he was aware that you never lie.  “Your people are dead, those alive, live here and you forgot about that, didn’t you?” his voice was lower than before as he stared at you in confusion obviously not understanding your reasons.   
“They are slaves! Three Kingdoms and one king, do you think that he sees the other two the same as his? He doesn’t, Heimdall,” you said sadly reminded of the torment your people are put through.   
“Instead of being their Queen you decided to start a war on another planet, on Midgard which needs Asgard’s protection. Do you wish for all of them to die?”   
“No,” you whispered looking away. You were ashamed by your actions; you had good intentions although deadly.  
“Then look at your armor, at your sword. Do you see that blood? That is the blood of your people and their protector’s,” Heimdall said grabbing your sword and throwing it away. The metal hit the ground but you decided not to look with your eyes focused on Heimdall and the disappointment in his golden orbs.   
“You are right; I should’ve been one to die.”  
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he was quick to say.  
“No, Heimdall, most of my people are dead. Those who are alive need my help and as their Queen, I should’ve known better and I shouldn’t have done this. I started a war, people died and no matter how much I want to make my father proud I will only turn into a monster if I continue, into a monster which I want to kill. I would change one monster for another; I would’ve destroyed his home as he destroyed mine. I can’t do that, I have to do right by my people.”  
“What are you going to do?” Heimdall question as by knowing you he could see only one way out and he hated it.  
“I will make a deal with Odin,” you said with bitter taste setting on your tongue.   
“You know that he would never make a deal with you.”  
“He will, as he will get what he wants, but before, I want to see my father’s body,” you said although not ready. Your fingers were curled around the stone searching for comfort.  
Heimdall stared at you confused. He was aware that you saw your father before you left Asgard. “He is alive,” he spoke after a moment of silence.  
“What?” you asked with your voice just barely louder than a whisper.   
“He was never killed, Odin wanted for him to watch your death.”  
“Then I wish for his freedom and the freedom of my people and in return, he can have me,” you announced with your fingers falling from the stone as you knew what had to be done.  
“He will kill you,” Heimdall said well aware that you knew that as well. However, you were his friend and a great warrior and he didn’t want you to die as a traitor.   
“Then I shall die knowing that I created a new chance for my people and not led them into their death.”  
“What about Midgard?” Heimdall asked as that was his last resort in trying to change your mind. He saw what was happening on Midgard so he had to try.   
“They are young, they still have to grow and when they grow up they will understand that family will always be the priority.”  
“And you are sure in this?”  
“Yes, but can you do me a favor,” you asked and he nodded although completely against your decision but as he respected you as a person he had to respect it as well.   
You moved your fingers to your neck slowly removing the necklace and placing the stone into Heimdall’s palm. “Tell Ivar that the Gods are proud of him,” you said as your moved his fingers to close around the stone as you knew that if you give it to your father or leave it in Asgard that it will be used for destruction. In your eyes, the best decision was to give it to Ivar as you knew that he would keep it safe and would never be able to use it as it was still and will stay disguised. “Tell him that for years after his death his name will stay feared while he feasts in Valhalla.” You spoke as you could hear footsteps of Odin’s guard coming closer.   
“And you won’t be there,” Heimdall said sadly as in the moment you make an agreement with Odin it will be over. He knew that you won’t be able to say your goodbyes not to Ivar or even to your father.  
“I will be in Hel,” you said looking away before lowering yourself to your knees as you knew that time for surrender has come.


End file.
